Finding a travel companion, safely and on your terms

Companion, partner or both: say which

A travel companion is someone you share trips with, for company and conversation, with romance optional. Some people want exactly that. Others want a partner who also loves to travel. Both are reasonable, and problems only start when two people want different things and don't say so.

Put it in your profile in plain terms. As an example, "I'd love someone to explore Italian hill towns with, and we'll see where it goes" sets a different expectation from "Looking for a travel companion, separate rooms". Return to it in early messages. How Elite Mature Mingle works covers profiles and messaging.

Where to find a travel companion

Look where people who like your kind of travel already gather.

• Dating sites. Profiles let you say what you want and read what others want before you meet. On Elite Mature Mingle, browsing is free and reading and replying to messages is paid.
• Clubs. Walking, sailing, cycling and language groups often run trips, and you get to know fellow members over months.
• Small-group tours for solo travellers. You travel with a group, so you meet people without committing to a week alone with one of them.
• Friends. Someone a friend has travelled with comes with a useful reference.

A companion you meet on a group trip, then see again at home, has already passed the hardest test: they have been good company with jet lag.

Get to know them at home first

A week away is an intense way to spend time with someone. Before you book anything, meet several times in ordinary settings: a few dinners, a day out, an afternoon with friends. You will learn how they handle delays, money and other people, which is most of what makes a travel companion good or bad.

Our guide to first dates that fit a busy working week has ideas for those early meetings.

What to agree before you book

Write it down, even if only in a shared note or an email. Conversations about money and rooms are far easier at home than in a hotel lobby.

A simple opening helps. For example: "Before we book, shall we each write down what we'd like the week to look like, and compare?"

A sensible first trip, step by step

1. Meet at home several times, including at least once with friends.
2. Choose somewhere close, such as a weekend away in your own country. It is cheap to change and easy to leave.
3. Book separately, in your own names, with flexible or refundable rates where you can.
4. Agree the rooms and the budget in writing.
5. Share your plans with a friend or relative at home: hotel names, travel times, your companion's name.
6. Review honestly afterwards. If the weekend went well, plan something a little further afield.

Paying your own way

Book and pay for your own travel directly, in your own name. If you are sharing accommodation, each pay your share to the hotel or agent, or settle up with a simple record of who paid what. It avoids misunderstandings, and nobody is stranded if plans change.

If you earn more and want to treat your companion, that is your choice once you know them well. It should never be a condition of the trip, and it should never start before you have met. Our guide to dating as a high earner looks at money and motives in more detail.

Staying safe abroad with someone new

• Keep your own passport, cards and phone on you, with some money and a backup card kept separately.
• Have your own travel insurance, in your own name, and know how to reach the insurer. UK travellers can apply for a free Global Health Insurance Card, but the NHS is clear that it does not replace travel insurance.
• Check official travel advice for your destination: GOV.UK foreign travel advice in the UK, Smartraveller in Australia, or Travel.State.Gov in the US. US citizens can also enrol a trip in the free Smart Traveler Enrollment Program.
• Keep an exit route. Know how you would get home, or to another hotel, at short notice, and be prepared to pay for it.
• If something goes badly wrong, call the local emergency number, then contact your country's nearest embassy or consulate.

Travel-themed scams to recognise

Travel is a favourite theme in romance fraud, because it creates natural reasons to need money. Be wary of a match who:

• is always abroad, on a contract, a ship or an assignment, and can't video call;
• asks you to pay for a flight, a visa, a customs fee or a hotel so they can come to you;
• suddenly needs money because they are stranded, robbed or held at a border;
• suggests meeting abroad for the first time, at a place they have chosen.

Any of these should end the conversation. What is checked on profiles explains why a reviewed photo is not proof of identity, and the safety guide explains where to report a scam in the UK, the US and Australia.

If it isn't working halfway through

Sometimes it becomes clear on day two that you travel very differently. That is information, not failure. Say so early and kindly, and fall back on what you agreed at home about time apart or leaving early. For example:

"I'm finding the pace a lot. Shall we each do our own thing tomorrow and meet for dinner?"

If the problem is more serious, such as pressure, anger or anything that makes you feel unsafe, leave. Move to another hotel or head home, and deal with the cost later; that is exactly why you kept your own cards, passport and insurance.

When the trip goes well

A good trip with someone new is a real pleasure, and it tells you a great deal about how you get on. Take the next one a little further afield. If work keeps you on the move, our guide to dating when your job keeps you travelling has ideas for fitting a relationship around it.