How people over 45 meet in Australia

Dating after 45 in Australia

Australians over 45 who find themselves single again often have established careers, grown or growing children and a strong sense of what they want. What many lack is time, and a social circle that still includes single people. Most friends are in couples, and the workplace is no longer the meeting ground it was at 30.

That makes deliberate routes to meeting people more important: online dating, and activities that bring you into regular contact with others.

It also helps to have the last relationship tidied up. Australia has had no-fault divorce since the Family Law Act 1975 took effect: you can apply once you have been separated for 12 months. Property settlement is a separate step with its own time limits under the same Act, generally 12 months after a divorce becomes final and two years after a de facto relationship ends, so take advice early rather than letting the clock run while you are busy meeting someone new.

Ways to meet, compared

Most people use a mix. This is how the main routes compare for someone with a full working week.

Online, at your own pace

Online dating lets you meet people beyond your suburb and your profession, and on your own timetable. On Elite Mature Mingle, registering, building a profile and browsing are free; reading and replying to messages needs a paid membership. Prices are listed in US dollars, and the checkout shows the exact amount and currency before you pay.

Every photo is reviewed, but jobs, incomes and what members write about themselves are not verified. Profiles are also shared with partner sites in the same network. How it works and what is checked on profiles explain the detail.

Clubs, community and the outdoors

Australia's club culture is a natural way to meet people as yourself, doing something you enjoy:

• Bushwalking and outdoor clubs. Most cities and regional centres have clubs with regular walks at a range of levels.
• Sailing, rowing, golf and tennis clubs. Social memberships and twilight competitions bring the same faces together week after week.
• Learning. U3A groups, run by and for older Australians, and community college short courses cover languages, history, art and more.
• Volunteering and boards. Surf life saving, community organisations, school councils and not-for-profit boards welcome professional skills.

None of these is a dating event, which is why they work. If you have more time than you used to, our guide to dating in semi-retirement has more on making the most of it.

Work and friends

Professional associations, industry events and alumni networks bring together people at a similar stage of life. Take care with anyone you work with directly, and keep your private life separate online; our guide to dating discreetly when people know your name has practical steps.

Friends remain one of the best sources of introductions, but they rarely act unless asked. Let them know you are open to meeting someone, and say yes to the barbecue.

First dates

A coffee before work, a walk at lunch or a drink after work suit a busy week and are easy to keep short. Meet somewhere busy, get there independently, and tell a friend where you are. In a capital city, somewhere near public transport lets you leave on your own schedule. In a regional town where everyone knows everyone, a café one town over can give you a little more privacy for a first meeting. Our guide to first dates that fit a busy working week has more ideas.

De facto relationships, super and money

Two points matter more in Australia than many people returning to dating expect.

De facto relationships. A de facto relationship is a couple living together on a genuine domestic basis without being married. Under the Family Law Act 1975, a court can generally make property orders when a de facto relationship ends only if one of these applies (section 90SB):

1. the relationship lasted at least two years in total;
2. there is a child of the relationship;
3. one partner made substantial contributions and serious injustice would result without an order; or
4. the relationship was registered under a state or territory law.

Moving in with someone can therefore have financial consequences close to marriage. Couples can make a binding financial agreement, which requires independent legal advice for each person. Western Australia handles de facto property under its own state law, so check the WA position if you live there.

Super. Superannuation does not automatically follow your will. The fund's trustee pays your super when you die, guided by any nomination you have made; Moneysmart explains the types of nomination. Check and update yours whenever your relationship changes, along with your will.

The guide to dating when you both have grown-up children covers the family side of a new relationship.

Scams, and where to report them

Romance and investment scams are the biggest risk for people with savings. Scamwatch, run by the National Anti-Scam Centre, publishes the signs of a relationship scam. The usual pattern is weeks of warmth, then a request for money or a nudge towards an "investment". Be wary of anyone who can't video call, always has a reason not to meet, or brings up cryptocurrency. Never send money, gift cards or cryptocurrency to someone you have met online.

The safety guide explains the warning signs and each step. If you are planning a trip with someone you have met, read finding a travel companion first.

Joining from New Zealand

Sign-ups are accepted from New Zealand too, and the same advice applies. IDCARE also serves New Zealand, on 0800 201 415, and the emergency number there is 111.